Ethical Dilemma at 6 am

I am hearing one of the goats bleating very loudly. Did it work? Did they eat the bread? No. They must have but they shouldn’t die. But that was my intention! To kill them. What is different now?

Guilt.

I feel such terrible guilt. I killed a living creature. And it’s my neighbour’s goat. Surely they will throw away its carcass. But I know that that will
not happen. They will eat it. Who will throw away a full goat in this
recession? The poison will be transferred from the goat’s body to their
bodies. It will kill them! Oh, what have I done?!

Guilt. It intensifies. I can hear my heart beating fast.

I want to speak to my closest friend. I send him a message, ”Are you
online?”. It’s a few minutes now and there is no response. I send the
same message to some other friends. I see the successful delivery ticks but no response.
I send a message to a new friend. She responds. Like a catholic to their priest at confessional, I tell her my deeds. I receive a gentle reprimand,
”Don’t kill your neighbour’s goats”. The advice is coming too late.

Wait. I hear something. It’s a familiar sound. Could it be? No, but I am
hopeful. I rush outside and I see the goats. They run off as they see me. I feel the familiar anger from before but there is something else. Oh, it is
relief. Relief to see them alive, relief to see them alive to run away.
I am free now.

I will go the former route and gift my neighbour new ropes so they can
tie their goats to a post for that is a better plan and a guilt-free path. I
will do that.
My mother whose garden was most devastated by the goats has seen
the trap of sniper-doused yam peels and bread. She is displeased.
And I am struck anew with guilt. She whose yam farm was most
affected by the goats did not conceive this ill.

It is nightfall now. A full moon above. I see two white goats under the
mango tree. Another one is eating the leaves of the garden plants. I am relieved they are alive. I hope they taste good when the neighbours
have them for Christmas.
I can’t wait.